I love this, Andy. The opening lines set up the poem very well- we've all felt the heaviness as winter drags on, and then spring opens us. Stanza 3's "devil's stiff fist" is so evocative. Perhaps a bit of tightening here-
"Will it be any protection against
the cruelties waiting at the edge
of winter’s sharpened knife?",
ie condensed to
"Will it be any protection against
the edge of winter’s sharpened knife?"
The reader knows what you mean by the image of the sharpened knife.
Finally, prayer is a discipline, and I am lax, but walking in nature helps me too, because my cluttered mind finds the space to return to reflection and God.
Thank you so much for this comment, Nancy. I really respect your poetic intuition! It’s funny, I used cruelty elsewhere in an earlier draft and got attached to the word and tried to work it in elsewhere, but I agree that it is repetitive to name winter’s knife as cruel. Although as I say that, I think about how winter can feel like the kind knife of harvest at the end of a tired summer- maybe that’s for a different poem though! So glad you liked the poem
I understand the attachment to a word or phrase. I’m currently in the sometimes difficult process of revision with a poem that is good, but trys too hard to be “poetic”, meaning simpler is sometimes better!
thanks so much for the constructive feedback earlier, Alex! It helped give me the push to dig back into this in a way that opened it up a bit more. Can’t wait for our April session!
Thank you for your encouragement, Alegria! I worked as a farmer for quite a few years and I always thought that the first leaves emerging (especially from a seed) look like hands folded in prayer and that image has stuck with me.
A 'courageous prophet' and other brilliant metaphors and visuals. The piece hums with faith and uncertainty, and neither exists without a little trembling.
I love this, Andy. The opening lines set up the poem very well- we've all felt the heaviness as winter drags on, and then spring opens us. Stanza 3's "devil's stiff fist" is so evocative. Perhaps a bit of tightening here-
"Will it be any protection against
the cruelties waiting at the edge
of winter’s sharpened knife?",
ie condensed to
"Will it be any protection against
the edge of winter’s sharpened knife?"
The reader knows what you mean by the image of the sharpened knife.
Finally, prayer is a discipline, and I am lax, but walking in nature helps me too, because my cluttered mind finds the space to return to reflection and God.
Thank you so much for this comment, Nancy. I really respect your poetic intuition! It’s funny, I used cruelty elsewhere in an earlier draft and got attached to the word and tried to work it in elsewhere, but I agree that it is repetitive to name winter’s knife as cruel. Although as I say that, I think about how winter can feel like the kind knife of harvest at the end of a tired summer- maybe that’s for a different poem though! So glad you liked the poem
I understand the attachment to a word or phrase. I’m currently in the sometimes difficult process of revision with a poem that is good, but trys too hard to be “poetic”, meaning simpler is sometimes better!
I love what you added Andy! The parishioners metaphor is awesome!
thanks so much for the constructive feedback earlier, Alex! It helped give me the push to dig back into this in a way that opened it up a bit more. Can’t wait for our April session!
My pleasure Andy :D
This is really beautiful work, Andy 💚
thank you, Caroline!
The green parishioners! What a visual
I love how you’ve analogized the emergence of leaves as hands folded in prayer. What a beautiful thought.
To answer your question, there is nothing wrong with anything here. You’ve expressed it so beautifully, that waiting for light and life.
Thank you for your encouragement, Alegria! I worked as a farmer for quite a few years and I always thought that the first leaves emerging (especially from a seed) look like hands folded in prayer and that image has stuck with me.
My pleasure Andy. What a wonderful thing to notice. I love that. 🙏
I like that it is so hopeful...life striking out from the devil's fist is such a vivid image!! Especially love the opening lines!!
Thanks, Rajani! Yes, I love the opening lines too. This was one of those where the first lines came without knowing at all what would come next.
I can relate to that… happens a lot :)
Beautiful
A 'courageous prophet' and other brilliant metaphors and visuals. The piece hums with faith and uncertainty, and neither exists without a little trembling.